fuel

ha!
i made it an entire month without posting anything. my bad.

things here have been pretty crazy with this new job. all the students moved back into the building and classes are well underway. my job is in full swing with all the problems of a college residence hall, but at the same time i'm finding myself having a lot of fun here. along with being a resident director, i have a secondary title as the coordinator of intramurals, so monday night we started all that off with intramural indoor soccer...tons of fun. on day two (yesterday) i had a participant get injured, which is not the best way to start one's job i realize, but i think we'll be okay.

in all this craziness of life transitions (getting engaged, graduating college, moving away, starting a new job, etc.), i'm noticing some interesting things happening to me (other than that i don't have a lot of time to post on this blog). i've been re-reading c.s. lewis's 'mere christianity' and something he wrote in one of the earlier chapters hit me hard: "God made us: invented us as a man invents an engine. a car is made to run on petrol, and it would not run properly on anything else. now God designed the human machine to run on Himself. He Himself is the fuel our spirits were designed to burn, or the food our spirits were designed to feed on. there is no other."

and while this illustration may not be as poetic as the kantian 'God-shaped hole,' it does help me better come up with a personal analogy: i have run out of gas.

it seems that when our lives are the subjects of extreme change, when life gets the hardest, when we should be looking to the greatest Power in the universe for strength, we don't; we look to ourselves to get us through. it's a mystery i have never been able to figure out, but i have been relying on myself and others more than on God, burning a fuel that will not propel my self the way in which God desires; i need to refuel.