belief

this message from brennan manning (one of my favorite writers) opens up some deep wounds of mine. it certainly is not intended to call anyone out for their faith issues or individual christian perspective, in fact, that is nearly antithetical to the entire premise for his statements; it is, rather, a simple request to look inwardly at yourself in order to discover the honest truth about what you believe about God. for me, this is very difficult, because, to be perfectly honest, i have a difficult time believing that i am loved by God and that my life means so much to Him. this may sound off-kilter to many, but i'm sure that if you asked yourself candidly whether or not you believe that God loves you, that you mean something to Him, that He cherishes you, you might find yourself in a similar predicament as i.

it is easier to think that we have no place, no identity; that we are faceless servants in a hoard of others running about seeking purpose (at least it is for me), than to trust that we are loved unconditionally. i would rack my brain trying to come up with some reason for which God would need me, and the plain and simple answer is that He doesn't. i've heard an extension on the analogy that God left in us a space only He could fill: that we fill a space in God only meant for us. i do not think that is the appropriate way to go about this, for if God needed something from us, if we met some need in Him, then He simply wouldn't be the all-powerful God of the universe (read a.w. tozer for further insight into this particular idea). so at what conclusion, then, can we arrive? if God doesn't need us, but loves us so much and has such value for each one of us that He gave His very own life so that we might live, the only possible resolution i can find is that He wants us. He chooses us.

it is far more difficult, a much bigger leap of faith, to believe that this kind of love exists, and to be honest once again, i'm not altogether sure i'm there yet. it will take a great deal more time spent wrestling with God to discover just what my true identity is as result of His powerful love; that is where our identity truly comes from: the love of our Father. do you believe that He loves you?